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The Dream Back to the Future, but with Wi-Fi
Oh, flying cars. We've been waiting for this moment since the '80s, right? Remember when we watched Back to the Future Part II and thought, "Yeah, that’s the future I want"? Well, now that we’re here, let me tell you it’s not nearly as cool as we hoped. It’s more like watching your Uber driver hit the wrong button, launch you into a tree, and then try to charge you $20 for the privilege.
Okay, sure, the flying car is real. Meet the Alef Model A the world's first drivable flying car. It can do both. You can drive it to your office, take off in the middle of a crosswalk, fly over your in-laws’ house like it’s some kind of middle-finger salute, and then crash-land into a cornfield. Honestly, I can’t wait for my first test flight. Nothing says “advanced civilization” like veering into a wind turbine because I forgot to check my battery percentage.
The Reality $300,000 and a Prayer Alright, let’s talk about that price tag. Three hundred thousand dollars. That’s a lot of money. I mean, we’re talking about the cost of 1,000 slices of avocado toast, or 5,000 monthly subscriptions to “premium” Spotify accounts. Who's buying this thing? Jeff Bezos? Elon Musk? The guy who invented TikTok dances? I’ll tell you what, the only person I know who can afford that is the guy who leaves his house in a Tesla wearing shoes made of Bitcoin.
Let’s not forget, the flying car’s not just a one time purchase. You’re also signing up for future fun, like paying for endless software updates (probably a flying car version of the “We’ve updated the app, now please try not to crash into a skyscraper” notifications). Oh, and don’t forget the yearly “flying car maintenance,” where they charge you half your salary to replace the propellers that mysteriously vanish after you attempt a left turn over the mall parking lot.
Society’s Next Headache Drunk Flyers and Sky Karens Okay, but the real fun begins when these things hit the skies. First of all, we’re gonna need some serious airspace regulation. Right now, we’re struggling to keep pedestrians from walking into traffic, so what happens when we have 3,300 Alef Model A drivers sorry, pilots swarming over our heads? What happens when Karen, mid-flight, demands to “speak to the manager” of the clouds because she was cut off by a guy trying to do a “fly-by” of his ex's house?
Now let’s not stop there. Imagine getting pulled over by the FAA (Federal Airspace Association? Airhead Aerials?). One second, you’re cruising 500 feet above the ground, living your dream, and the next, you’ve got Geraldine from the DMV asking you for your pilot’s license. You think she struggles with parking on the ground? Wait till she’s got to land a flying car in a storm while attempting to apply mascara.
Now of course, there’s the possibility of drunk flying. If people can’t stop themselves from getting behind the wheel after a few too many pints on the ground, imagine the chaos when they start popping bottles 5,000 feet up. “Sir, I’m going to need you to step out of the vehicle” except now, “stepping out” means, well, you know, skydiving.
So, here’s the real question are we really there yet ? are we really ready for this? Sure, on paper, it sounds great then again, so did flying cars in The Jetsons, and we all know how that turned out. I’m just saying, before we jump headfirst into the flying car revolution, maybe we should answer a few important questions:
- What happens if your flying car dies mid-air?
- Who pays for the lawsuits when a billionaire crashes into your backyard BBQ?
- Will my mom finally shut up about me "never visiting" when I can literally fly over her house, give her the finger, and keep going?
The “Test Flight” Report So, let’s take it to the experts. I sat down (virtually, of course wouldn't want to fly anywhere just yet) with a test pilot from Alef. Here’s how it went:
"So we take our first test flight hyperthatically it went all smooth, except for that one minor incident where I flew directly into my neighbor’s backyard barbecue. Honestly, it could’ve been worse. He was just mad I didn’t land in his pool the gazebo? Yeah, that’s on me. Anyway, now I owe him ribs for life. Big mistake, but hey, I didn’t have to sit in traffic, so there’s that."
Fact Check:
- Alef Model A price: $300,000. That’s more than a decent house in most places if you consider the garage as part of your “home.”
- Flight time: 200 miles on the road, 110 in the air. So you can avoid your cousin’s awkward questions during Thanksgiving, but good luck getting back before the battery dies.
- Test pilots’ personal anecdotes: Flying over barbecues? Apparently a rite of passage now.
All in all, flying cars are probably a good idea... eventually. Right now, though, they’re just a glorified midlife crisis with wings you know what? I think we might just deserve it.