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Steve Jobs, you turtlenecked messiah. You didn’t just invent the iPhone; you breathed life into the entire tech ecosystem, giving birth to a shiny new world where BlackBerrys wept bitter tears into their own trackpads. You were a visionary one who wasn’t afraid to drop a mic in front of an audience and make us all question if our dumb little phones could even catch up.
Then you did what legends do best you peaced out. October 5, 2011 one minute, Steve was lighting up the world, and the next, it was all Tim Cook and… well, let’s just say the iPhone has been stuck in the “meh” zone ever since.
Fast forward to February 19, 2025, and the iPhone 16e drops and what’s our reward for patiently waiting for Apple to prove it’s still got that magic? A phone so basic it makes Vanilla Ice look like a wild party. No MagSafe? SERIOUSLY, APPLE? That sexy magnetic charger that we were promised would live forever like a real relationship? Nope. Gone. Like a glitter sticker on a budget model they decided they didn’t need. I guess “innovation” was just a limited edition in the Apple dictionary.
Meanwhile, over at Samsung, the Galaxy Z Fold6 is living its best life, flipping and flopping around like a TikTok dance in a Las Vegas nightclub. Huawei’s Mate X5 is so thin it could double as a Razor blade. Apple, though? Apple’s like, “Look at this rectangle with slightly better Wi-Fi… Is that a USB-C port? Behold, peasants.”
This is a company that once birthed the iPhoneand iPad, forcing us to rethink our relationship with reality but now? Tim Cook’s on stage, looking like he’s reading from an IKEA manual on how to be mildly interesting. He’s whispering about “Apple Intelligence” like it’s a self-help seminar for confused robots. Bro, even my blender’s got more processing power. The 16e’s so stripped down, it’s basically the phone equivalent of your drunk uncle showing up to Thanksgiving dinner with no pants on.
The competition? Oh, they’re laughing. Samsung’s giving us 16GB of RAM, folding screens, and a chip that probably powers the moon. Huawei’s Mate X5 is so sleek, it could slide under your door and still find a way to steal your soul. OnePlus? They’re over here serving 120Hz screens and 80W charging like they’re handing out free donuts at a police station and Apple? Apple’s like, “Here’s iOS 18.3... with a smiley poop emoji. Cutting edge, right?”
Fans are getting tired of the “Trust us, it’s a strategy!” routine. They axed the iPhone 14 barely three years old and Tim’s out here like, “This is the future.” Yeah, right. My cat’s hairballs have more forward thinking strategies than this.
Let’s get this straight, Steve Jobs is spinning in his grave so fast, we could power the entire West Coast. He would’ve stormed Cupertino with a flamethrower, yelling, “Where are the foldable screens, you spineless tech zombies?” Meanwhile, Tim’s polishing the same shiny, tired design, and adding a new color called “Midnight Blue” to distract us.
X is blowing up with Apple stans crying into their $1,200 MacBooks. One genius wrote, “No magnets, no UWB, no Wi-Fi 6E. They gutted it and still want $600? I’m DONE.” Another gem went, “They saved 10 cents on magnets.” TEN CENTS, APPLE. You’re worth $162 billion, but I guess we’re all about that low-cost lifestyle now.
Let’s break it down: Apple is now a relic, riding on Steve’s ghost like a lazy old man still holding onto his Grammy. He built a legend on “Think Different,” but now it’s “Think Meh, Charge More.”
Steve Jobs didn’t put a middle finger wrapped in aluminum on stage. That’s Apple’s new role, I guess. The competition’s moonwalking into the future with 5G, foldables, and chips that could run a small country, and Apple’s stuck doing the Macarena in 2011. Wake up, Cupertino or just keep cashing those nostalgia checks until they bounce.
Fact-Check Corner: We’re Cheeky, Not Clueless
Let’s drop the sass for a sec and pull up some receipts because I don’t just roast for fun. (Okay, maybe a little.) Here’s the lowdown:
• Steve Jobs’ Exit: True, he left us October 5, 2011. Google it, cry about it, let it go.
• iPhone16e Drama: Launched February 19, 2025. No MagSafe. Fans flipped out on X (check @MydVDZ for the receipts).
• MagSafe History: Debuted in iPhone 12 (2020). Last seen with iPhone 15. iPhone 16e? Gone like your summer vacation plans.
• Apple’s Cash Pile: $162 billion, according to Forbes (2024). Could buy a small country and still no magnets. We’re in the wrong business.
• Competition Slaying: Samsung Z Fold 6, Huawei Mate X5, OnePlus 12. All of them are cooler than Apple’s “Innovation™.” Check their sites, it’s all there.
• iPhone 14 Axed: Launched in 2022, axed in 2025. And no, three years isn’t “old.” That’s called “not even broken in yet.”
• Fan Quotes: Yes, fans are angry, and the shade is real “10 cents on magnets” came straight from the source.
So, there you go. Apple’s been exposed, roasted, and fact-checked. Now, let’s see if they come up with anything actually worth gasping about—or if we’re just stuck waiting for another “Midnight Blue” iPhone with no features.