Yes. That’s right. We’ve finally run out of actual vitamins and started licking the lawn for sustenance.
Apparently, grounding is when you connect your body to the Earth to soak up electrons nature’s very own Red Bull. You can do this by walking barefoot, hugging a tree, or, if you're particularly committed to electrocution, plugging yourself into your wall socket with a special wire and a patch on your thigh.
Let me just pause here: some people are willingly becoming human USB sticks in the name of wellness.
According to experts (read: Dave from Instagram with his crystals and suspiciously aggressive smoothie recipes), not touching the ground makes us electron-deficient. It's like scurvy, but instead of lacking Vitamin C, you’re low on static zap. Allegedly, this condition is the cause of everything from stress to your Aunt Sandra’s irritable thyroid.
They say people used to be more connected to the Earth. Probably because no one had shoes and everyone bathed in rivers and died of dysentery. But sure, let’s bring that back only this time we’re doing it with £200 grounding socks made of silver thread, so you can feel spiritual and financially unstable.
The Baffled Becky Guide to Grounding Products:
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Grounding Mat – You sit on it while working and pretend your job doesn’t drain your soul.
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Grounding Sheet – You sleep on this, hoping electrons will fix your sleep more than your unresolved childhood trauma.
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Grounding Patches – Stick one to your leg, plug it into the wall, and explain to your electrician why you’ve turned your bedroom into a science experiment.
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Grounding Shoes – Trainers that let electrons flow into your body through your feet. Great for jogging and potentially summoning lightning.
Are There Any Risks?
Yes. Mainly looking absolutely mad as you drag a grounding rod through your garden in your pyjamas at 7am. Also, don’t plug yourself into a wall during a storm unless you want to become a feature on Unsolved Mysteries.
Oh and there’s the small matter of science. A lot of these studies are tiny, soft as pudding, and occasionally written by the same people selling the grounding kits. Funny that but hey, if walking barefoot stops you from screaming at your inbox, who am I to judge?
(Actually, I am here to judge. It's literally my job.)
If standing barefoot in your garden while absorbing electrons like a phone charger for your soul helps you feel better, then by all means, carry on. But let’s not pretend it’s some sort of cosmic panacea. You’re not hacking the matrix you’re just outside with cold toes and questionable choices.
And for those plugging in their socks and claiming enlightenment through outlet exposure try this instead: go outside, breathe deeply, and touch some grass.
Literally. Not metaphorically. Though that works too.
Baffled Becky, signing off with slightly singed fingers and an outlet tester she bought at B&Q.