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By Baffled Becky, Your Sleep-Deprived Intern
Okay, folks, buckle up. It’s your favorite over-caffeinated intern, Baffled
Becky, here with another dispatch from the Land of Absolute Madness. I should
be using my precious, sleep deprived existence to do something productive, like
figuring out how to afford rent. Instead, I’ve fallen headfirst into Donald
Trump’s latest AI-generated fever dream Trump Gaza The Resort and let me tell
you, this one’s a doozy.
Now, if you’re wondering, “What fresh horror is this?” congratulations, you
have functional brain cells. Trump, in all his self tanning bed wisdom, decided
to share an AI-generated video imagining Gaza as a luxury resort. Picture it
golden statues of The Don gazing majestically at the sea like he just conquered
Atlantis, a “Trump Gaza” hotel towering over the rubble, and a yacht scene so
gaudy it makes Dubai look minimalist and in case the dystopian theme wasn’t
hitting hard enough, there’s an AI generated song chirping, “Donald’s coming to
set you free!” which is just chef’s kiss levels of unhinged.
The Business Plan (Or, How to Gentrify a War Zone in One Easy Step!)
So, what’s the brilliant plan here? Simple take Gaza, kick out two millionPalestinians (minor detail, I guess?), and replace them with a Trump-branded
beach paradise for retired oil barons and shady crypto bros because if history
has taught us anything, it’s that displacing entire populations always works out
great. (Spoiler: It does not.)
Let’s be clear this isn’t about “peace” or “redevelopment.” It’s about gas.
Gaza’s coastline happens to be sitting on some juicy natural gas fields, and
wouldn’t you know it, America’s been hurling weapons at Israel like it’s a
Lockheed Martin sponsored piñata party. Now suddenly, Trump wants to swoop in
like a real estate vulture in a red tie and claim it all in the name of
“luxury.” The only thing missing is him holding a tiny shovel at a ground breaking
ceremony while Palestinians are forcibly “relocated” in the background.
A Five-Star Disaster
This AI-generated fantasy isn’t just out of touch it’s detached from reality on
a level that makes Flat Earthers look reasonable and just to sprinkle in some
extra ew, the video features Trump sunbathing with Netanyahu (because
apparently, that’s the buddy comedy we all needed?), while Elon Musk lurks in
the background, probably Xeeting about “fracking Gaza from space.”
So let’s not forget the audience for this masterpiece the fine patrons of Truth
Social, aka the digital equivalent of an abandoned theme park where conspiracy
theories roam free. Even they are looking at this and going, “Uh, Donnie… this
might be a little much.” When the people who think JFK Jr. is coming back to
run as Trump’s VP find your project a bit extreme, you might want to rethink
things.
Welcome to Trump Gaza: Your Vacation From Morality!
If this monstrosity actually happened (and may the gods of common sense strike
it down), I can only imagine the travel brochure:
Welcome to Trump Gaza! A paradise built
on broken treaties and international outrage!
• Enjoy our Freedom Splash Zone! (Formerly a refugee camp, now a scenic
infinity pool!)
• Relax in the ‘Occupied Spa’ (Where stress disappears, just like the locals!)
• Take a ride on the Lazy River of Denial, shaped like a middle finger to the
UN!
• Book our VIP “Drill, Baby, Drill” package for an exclusive gas field
tour hazmat suit required!
Of course, all guests receive a complimentary ‘Manifest Destiny’ beach towel
upon check-in! (Non-refundable. Like Palestinian land rights.)
The
World’s Worst Timeshare Pitch
At this point, Trump’s resume of failed businesses (steaks, airlines,
universities, marriages) should be enough proof that he shouldn’t be entrusted
with a pet hamster, let alone a geopolitical conflict. Handing him Gaza is like
giving a toddler a flamethrower and saying, “Now, be careful with that.”
The real tragedy? This isn’t just some cringeworthy AI disaster it’s a
grotesque mockery of a real, on going humanitarian crisis. Over 45,000
Palestinians dead, entire families wiped out, and Trump’s response is to crank
out a dystopian real estate promo like he’s unveiling a new Trump Tower
Timeshare from Hell.
So, dear readers, what do we do with this information? Do we send Trump a
glitter bombed "Snark Survival Kit"? Do we sit back and watch this
train wreck in slow motion? Or do we just keep laughing because sometimes,
humor is the only thing standing between us and existential despair?
Personally, I’m voting for all three because, as your underpaid,
over caffeinated intern, that’s just the Baffled Becky way.